Surrexit Christus Alleluia!

Happy Easter! The strife is o'er, hope is renewed, and we are celebrating with all the food and drink and music and joy we can muster.

Perrin watching Daddy make a pussy-willow bough at Babcia and Dziadzia's house.

Our basket for the food blessing.

Ben made a lovely early breakfast for the two of us <3

And the warmth and sunshine made for the best sap flow yet!

Holy Thursday: The Triduum Begins

This year was our first Holy Thursday supper just as our own little family. Special but quiet, saving up energy for the full weekend ahead.

We had some lovely homegrown lamb (thanks to brother-in-law Joe) and delicious coffee-flavoured wine (thanks to brother-in-law Nicholas), rice, peas, and a rich buttery bread.

I thought especially this year how grateful I am for all the good priests out there. The Fathers who bear with the suspicion and discredit brought upon because of those who have failed, and who keep serving us anyways.

And we managed to make it to Mass despite the sleet and freezing rain. Ah, Ontario spring. :P

Family Friday: Like Mother Like Son

Katie - "The Puffin"

Perrin - "Puffin 2.0"

Seasonal Sunday: Deep Winter Duvet

   Outside the fluffy white blanket is growing, and we are cozied up indoors. It's a very indoorsy time of year. Sipping lots of hot drinks, watching tv shows, cuddling with Mr. Droolface. Enjoying family time. Almost the only times I venture out into the cold are my twice-daily trips to take care of the chickens and bunnies, who are huddled under heatlamps in their own small houses.

  I do miss sunshine and long walks, but they will come again. So for now, it's time to embrace the season of hibernation - unless you are one of those admirable folks out cross-country skiing or such like. Then enjoy yourselves and I'll see you inside sometime!

   Ben's newest toy is an i-watch, which he found for a steal price. He's been itching to get one of those around his wrist since they were announced, so he's as happy as a clam trying out all it's features.

   And Perrin is growing quickly. All that boob milk is like a powerful elixir, even more potent than Treebeard's ent water. I had to put away all his cute little 0-3 month clothing a while back, reminding myself that it will probably be worn by another baby some time in the future, that way I don't get too sad about it.

 

Family Friday: New Year 2016

   Not a lot of resolutions going on here this morning. I spent New Year's Eve sick on the couch with chicken soup and watching funny bits from interviews with British actors before an early bed - still better than wearing adult diapers in Times Square! 

   Therefore I am not jumping up to wave at my kitchen with a sparkling wand and lay my relationship with dirty dishes to rest. I might be considering slowing down on the Christmas goodie consumption, but not with an awful lot of commitment. But when I did try to think of what might be a theme to our lives in this upcoming year, my mind rested on Family.

   Without too much explicitude (ha - a new word! feel free to adopt, people!), I believe that we will probably be re-figuring out the role of extended family in our lives - not a bad one, I hope - we love you all dearly - but at the same time finding our identity more as our own family unit. Dad, Mum and son. Husband, wife and the love-made-flesh between us. Team Bee.

   When we married, as Fr. Hattie pointed out in our prep classes, we gave each other new identities that we hadn't had before. When Perrin came into existence, he gave us new ones yet again. We have the ability to embody Love in the world in our own unique way, and for that we have to be able to be there for each other unshakeably, no matter what massive waves there are to ride. If we bury our own selves, wounds, joy and all, into the core of our definition in Love, then hopefully we will find a way to reach out again to our loved ones and all the wounded who show up in our lives.

   With any luck we might find something even more worthy to attempt than clean-kitchenliness.

  A Happy and Fruitful New Year.

 

Welcome Christmas!

World Wednesday: Most Recently Enjoyed Film

"Phoebe In Wonderland"

   Phoebe is a little girl with undiagnosed Tourette's syndrome who is chosen to act the lead part in a school production of Alice in Wonderland. Played by a very young Elle Fanning (who I believe was more talented as a child actress than she is now), she is a delightful, imaginative child, but her family has a hard time dealing with her unusual behaviour.

   It is a whimsical, beautifully shot film, switching between reality and Phoebe's interaction with "wonderland" characters inside her own head.

   The part that I found the most frustrating is when a therapist that Phoebe has been seeing tells her mother that the child seems to have Tourette's, and her mother refuses to believe/acknowledge it as a possibility because she doesn't want Phoebe to be labelled or medicated. While I can understand that the mother doesn't want to take away any of her daughter's spark, or not to appreciate her as she is, keeping silent leads to much more grief in the story. Phoebe grows more confused and lost about why she is acting out, and others respond to her actions with criticism and punishment.

   It made me sad to think that the stigma around her disorder, like around so many types of mental illness, kept the little girl from getting the understanding and help that she needed. However, it turns out alright in the end. How many happier endings could be achieved in real life if we were all more willing to address our problems and disorders without fear?

Mindful Monday: Slow Down

   A new week has begun, a fresh start on our family routine. Mornings before Ben leaves for work are a special little window of time when we make our hot drinks, cook and eat breakfast together, chat about our sleep and our dreams, say a morning offering (if we remember), and share bright smiles with the baby.
 
   My intention is to always enjoy these events, and all of life, really, with an attitude of mindfulness, or "living in the moment". But it is just so easy to forget.

  This morning when Peregrine, who had slept a little longer than us, awoke, I got him up and immediately proceeded to the change table to remove his heavy soggy diaper. He began to cry, but I ploughed ahead with the diaper change. I mean, it had to get done, right?
   Ben, though, came over to us and said "just let me comfort him for a minute". He picked up Perrin, walked about cuddling him briefly, and returned him to me contented and smiling. Then the job was finished while all three of us conversed in baby language.

   My love's intervention didn't take much time, but it was a great reminder to me that there is no need to force life along for the sake of "getting things done". This is our life, right now, right in this moment. Not in ten minutes, not tomorrow, but now. It is ok to go at whatever pace allows this moment to be one of love and peace, not of hurrying. Even if less gets accomplished, so to speak, it is a better accomplishment to be living well. Thanks hubby.

Family Friday: I'm A Mum!

   Our little boy was born on the last day of September, welcomed with joy! Writing his birth story has been on my to-do list ever since but so far hasn't materialized.

Peregrine Benedict

   At this point, I will just say how honoured I feel to have been given this little person to take care of and share our lives and our home with. His complete dependence on me, my body and my love, is both exhausting and moving. His smiles and laughter are endlessly rewarding. Seeing him with his Daddy is a delight. I love his cuddles, his baby smell, his milk breath, his excited kicks, and even his cries. There is something exquisite about a baby's tongue when he cries, a rippling little muscle that is strong and also delicate. (This isn't to say that I just stand there adoring his tongue while he bawls, I am usually trying to fix the sadness at the same time.)

  A baby is such a gift. I love being a Mummy.

Edit: Perrin's birth story is now up HERE at the blog Birth Without Fear.

Week 12 ultrasound

First glimpses of our new active little life inside. Rolling about happily, kicking and crossing legs, heart pulsing steadily, unaware that we were watching him/her for the first time. 

Such a dear sight.

Jumping ahead to 2015

Living in Corner House (on a tiny lake in Combermere), lots of laughs with my hilarious hubby Benedict, raising meat rabbits, trying to survive winter, and lots of energy going to growing the little baby tucked inside my belly.

How do only two people produce so many dirty dishes? Something to ponder...

Every season is an inextricably woven mixture of joy and suffering, in ours and all the lives around us. I'm not sure it's remotely possible to make sense of, but hopefully that's not the point. Accepting changes as they come, without ever letting go of hope, growth in wisdom, and doing our best, is our attempted outlook. And savouring the little things, of course.

Christmas archery

Me and My Daddy