Mindful Monday: Enjoy the Process

   

   Checklists. I love checklists. And without mine, some important stuff would never be remembered. Sometimes I need them for daily things, like feeding the animals, or even remembering to drink water. Sometimes they are checklists of reminders for Ben (while trying to avoid nagging, of course), but things that would easily slip both our minds if I didn't have them written down, like needing to call the mechanic. And then there are the once-in-a-while projects - cleaning the fridge, polishing silver items - to remember when there are scraps of spare time (haha).

   Also there is a great satisfaction to checking off what's been done. Finished. Completed. Nicely tied up with a ribbon on top. Mmmmm - check!
   A large part of me is driven by what is accomplished in a day. How much is getting done.

   As I'm sure you can guess what I'm about to say, however, this has a few dangers. Here are the three that strike me the most:

1. Never letting myself be finished.

   If I have the idea that I can only be satisfied and enjoy life when everything is done, then I'd probably be better off just giving up altogether. The only way that could happen is if I could somehow freeze time just when the house is pristine, the bellies full and the baby asleep. And then nobody ever eat again. Or move, cause dust might collect.

2. Forgetting what has already been accomplished.

    One day I had the idea to make myself a "done" list, rather than a "to do" list, cause I find once things are done, they vanish out of my mind and all I see is all that's left. It can get discouraging. I didn't make that list, but I think it would be a good exercise. To write down each thing you accomplish as you do it, and then at the end of the day to have a positive list of your successes, rather than only thinking of what didn't happen. I need to give myself credit for all the hard work I do, not just beat myself up for what I can't get to.

3. Not living in the present.

   This is the worst of the lot, I think. Checklists can tempt one to be far too goal oriented and miss the present moment. I read a blog post about type A (likes to have things under control) women married to type B (laid back) men, and how they can complement each other, if they appreciate their differences. The author said that type B sees life as a video, rather than a snapshot of what currently needs to be fixed. They know everything will happen in it's time and that it is all a part of just living.

   I'd like to get on that page, if I can. Not that I want to stop making lists. They are extremely useful and often enjoyable. But I don't want them to stop me from appreciating life while it is being lived. Some projects being started, others being finished. Some messes being cleaned while others are being made. Enjoying the experience of being right in the middle of this big crazy life with the people I love. Enjoying the process. From that viewpoint, a day spent (like today) holding a sick congested baby upright so he can breathe, getting my husband fed, and sharing some laughs together, is just as good as a day where I check off my whole list.

World Wednesday: Most Recently Enjoyed Film

"Phoebe In Wonderland"

   Phoebe is a little girl with undiagnosed Tourette's syndrome who is chosen to act the lead part in a school production of Alice in Wonderland. Played by a very young Elle Fanning (who I believe was more talented as a child actress than she is now), she is a delightful, imaginative child, but her family has a hard time dealing with her unusual behaviour.

   It is a whimsical, beautifully shot film, switching between reality and Phoebe's interaction with "wonderland" characters inside her own head.

   The part that I found the most frustrating is when a therapist that Phoebe has been seeing tells her mother that the child seems to have Tourette's, and her mother refuses to believe/acknowledge it as a possibility because she doesn't want Phoebe to be labelled or medicated. While I can understand that the mother doesn't want to take away any of her daughter's spark, or not to appreciate her as she is, keeping silent leads to much more grief in the story. Phoebe grows more confused and lost about why she is acting out, and others respond to her actions with criticism and punishment.

   It made me sad to think that the stigma around her disorder, like around so many types of mental illness, kept the little girl from getting the understanding and help that she needed. However, it turns out alright in the end. How many happier endings could be achieved in real life if we were all more willing to address our problems and disorders without fear?

Self-Care Saturday: Personality Test :D

   Do you know your personality type?

   Maybe it's not for everyone, but I have always been fascinated with the Myers-Briggs classification of personality types. When I discovered mine (INFP) I was amazed at how it helped me to understand myself so much better, my patterns of thought, motivations, and reactions. Things that I thought were my own weird quirks, or even flaws, suddenly made a lot more sense when seen as a part of a cohesive personality and how that type of person approaches the world - for instance, the ability to express myself much better in writing than I can when speaking in person. It was a relief to realize that trait was common among INFPs and I wasn't just verbally awkward.

   Though not quite as obvious as something like healthy eating, the Myers-Briggs test can be a great tool for self care, because understanding yourself is crucial to the goal of loving and caring for yourself.

   Disclaimer, by the way: this test is not definitive by any means. It is one of many varied attempts to categorize people, and I happen to think it a very good one, but everyone is different and can't totally be put in a box. Also everyone's will is their own. No one's choices are pre-determined by their personality type, however nice that would be as an excuse.

   But it seems that most people generally match one of the 16 descriptions of personalities in the Myers-Briggs classification, and can identify with the corresponding strengths and weaknesses. Finding and reading your "portrait" can reinforce truths you know about yourself and how you interact with life, or even bring to light characteristics that you may not have consciously been aware of. A frequent tendency of ISFJs, for example, is to look after others to the point of neglecting their own needs. Many of them might not admit this, but if they were to acknowledge and keep it in mind, they could prevent getting overworked and frustrated.

  Understanding the types is also extremely helpful for relationships.

  At one point I got so excited to type all my friends that I rushed around either forcing them to take the test themselves or guessing for myself what personality they had. I just had to know what made everyone tick! Some were startled to find how uncannily specific the results could be. "Whoa, how did it know I love animals?" "May exhibit rash emotional outbursts of anger - um, this is a little too true for comfort. Creepy."

   A particular breakthrough for me was the realization that two different types could say or do the same things, but not mean the same thing by it at all. To illustrate, if I were to go to both Bobby and Daphne to ask for help with homework and they both said "Go away, I'm busy", Bobby might be expressing that he is mad at me, while Daphne is merely stating that she doesn't have time, without any idea that her words could be taken personally.
   Depending on my personality type, my automatic assumption might be that they are both mad at me, or perhaps I am similar to Daphne and accept their busy-ness without picking up on the emotions behind Bobby's words.
   However, with a good grasp of the differences between personalities, I might be able to figure out what each of my friends meant (even if it isn't what I would mean) and leave Daphne to her work while talking to Bobby to find out what he is upset about.

   Even if I can't figure everyone out, knowing that there can be such big differences makes me more likely to give others the benefit of the doubt for their behaviour.

   So how does this work? What do the four letters mean? What is INFP supposed to stand for?

   There are much more comprehensive explanations online, but I will just go through it briefly as I understand it.

   The Myers-Briggs test looks at four different aspects of personalities. The four letters in the abbreviation indicate which side of a scale you lean towards in each of these aspects.

1. "E or I" - E is for Extrovert, I for Introvert. If you get energized by being with people you are primarily extrovert, but if you get burned out by much socializing and recharge best on your own, you are an introvert. Extroverts can be the life of the party. Introverts often would rather a good book.

2. "N or S" - N is for iNtuitive, S for Sensing. Intuitive personalities think about reality mostly in terms of concepts and patterns, whereas sensing personalities focus on facts and details that they take in with their senses. Intuitive are dreamers who start with the big picture. "I am drawn to the idea of seafaring." Sensers start with the actual and physical. "How do I build a boat?"

3. "F or T" - F is for Feeling, T for Thinking. This one is pretty basic. Feelers decide things more based on the emotional concerns of themselves and others, whereas Thinkers find it more natural to make decisions based on reason. If a child was scared of monsters in his closet, a feeling parent's instinct would be to sympathize with his emotion of fear. On the other hand, a thinking parent would want to explain that the occurrence simply isn't possible, as monsters don't exist.

4. "P or J" - P is for Perceiving, J for judging. Perceivers prefer to take in information and respond to it flexibly, while Judgers like to act in a more structured and planned way. I find this last category the most difficult to distinguish as people can have a mixture of both approaches. An extreme judger would be the one who always prepares and eats her meals the same way. An extreme perceiver would be the fellow you can never get to commit to any event because he waits till the last minute to decide whether or not he'll show.

   Did any of these sound like you? Take the personality test HERE and see what you think!
If you find out your type (provided you exist, dear reader), feel free to drop a comment and let me know :)


And just for fun...

Getting Organized

   According to the Myers Briggs personality test, I am an INFP. This means that my brain does not follow a neat and orderly train of ideas, but rather jumps about among all sorts of connections, always seeking how things fit into the bigger picture.

   Consequently, much as I like the idea of blogging, choosing a topic usually overwhelms me, as I feel that I could never catch up with all of the sub-thoughts that attach themselves to any Thought. I am tempted to be too thorough, to cover every aspect and event of my life, and so I never get started.

   Here's the plan then: I'll adopt the technique of 'themed days'. Each day of the week has a topic of it's own, so I know what to write about. Structure, yay!

   Introducing the lineup...

Mindful Monday

- trying to start afresh each week living intentionally -

Too True Tuesday

- random fun facts or things that amuse -

World Wednesday

- tidbits of culture, art, literature - 

Thoughtful Thursday

- reserved for deep deep ponderings - 

Family Friday

- all things family, marriage, parenting, babies -

Self-Care Saturday

- learning to love thyself the right way - 

Seasonal Sunday

- celebrating the rhythms of nature and liturgy and life -

   

   Let's see how long this lasts :)